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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677778">Braver Than I Thought</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Discord/pseuds/Doctor_Discord'>Doctor_Discord</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Ego Manor [162]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crushes, Kissing, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Sweet, Zoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:34:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Discord/pseuds/Doctor_Discord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Illinois discovers a few things about Eric he didn't know before, and his opinion of him shifts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Illinois/Eric Derekson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Ego Manor [162]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1166384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Braver Than I Thought</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Illinois huffed out a small sigh of annoyance, hands jammed in his pockets as he walked through the city, heading for the zoo. He had to pick Eric up from work. Typically, Bim or Ed or occasionally Bing (depending on if he was at the skatepark across from the zoo) picked him up, but Bim was in the middle of filming a season finale, Ed was taking care of a…shipment, and Bing and Chase were at the Septics’ house instead of the skatepark. Everyone was busy. Except for himself and Yancy, and Yancy vehemently <em>declined </em>to leave the manor.</p><p>So Illinois it was.</p><p>He raised an eyebrow at the admissions person, flashing a charming smile at them as he approached. “Hi, I’m here to pick up an employee, not visit or anything.”</p><p>“Sure thing.” They scanned him for a second. “Who’re you here for?”</p><p>“Eric Derekson.”</p><p>“Oh!” They smiled. “Bim’s busy then? And –” They raised their own eyebrow. “Who are you?”</p><p>Illinois shoved as much charm as possible into his voice, and it came out as something of a suave purr. “Illinois. Yes, Bim’s busy. I was designated for the job instead.”</p><p>The grin that spread across their face at the sound of his name made Illinois’ own smile drop a bit, confused and a little worried. “<em>Oh</em>. So <em>you’re </em>Illinois. He talks a lot about you, to anyone who’ll listen.” Illinois blinked, a little stunned, but before he could ask any follow up questions they were shouting over their shoulder. “Chelsea! Can you show <em>Illinois </em>here up to the cheetah exhibit?”</p><p>“Of course!” A young woman with hair dyed bright blue – no <em>way </em>was she older than twenty – appeared around the corner, gesturing for Illinois to follow her. He did, and she rambled as they walked, mainly about Eric. “Sorry if you tried to text him. He’s probably asleep. Usually ends up doing that whenever he spends too much time with the big cats. They don’t like to see him leave.”</p><p>Illinois’ eyebrows furrowed, now <em>very </em>much stunned. “He – I’m sorry?”</p><p>She laughed. “Yeah, you didn’t know? He’s the keeper of all our cats. They love him. He plays with them, spends time with them, takes care of them. Usually ends up taking naps with them, especially when one of our lionesses gets her paws on him. Any other employee tries to go near them with anything other than food, they might lose a hand. Eric steps one foot in the tiger enclosure and he’ll have our female trying to give him a bath.” She smiled. “Though the cheetahs are clearly his favorites. We have three, and they’ll genuinely fight for his affection sometimes.”</p><p>Illinois opened and closed his mouth a few times, having a hard time believing what he was being told. “Are we sure this is the same kid?” The Eric <em>he </em>knew suffered from such bad anxiety that he couldn’t even <em>talk </em>to Illinois. Not really. And Illinois may have only been around a little more than a month at the manor, he’s still seen how <em>bad </em>Eric’s panic attacks can be. Illinois’ impression of him had been a scared, anxiety-ridden kid with a crush that Illinois liked to have fun with.</p><p>But not even <em>Illinois </em>wanted to go into a literal <em>lion’s den</em>, let alone let one fucking <em>cuddle one</em>.</p><p>Chelsea laughed again. “I know, when he first came to work with us we had a hard time believe it as well. Of course, he’s gotten better over the past year. Having his abusive dad gone certainly helps with that.”</p><p>Illinois froze, steps faltering for a moment. “His <em>what?</em>”</p><p>She glanced over her shoulder. “You didn’t know?” She shrugged. “He…reasonably doesn’t like to talk about it, but from what I’ve gathered, he came from a big family. Mother died when he was fairly young, early teens. Watched his own girlfriend die. Then lost all of his siblings in an accident, which just left him and his dad.” She shrugged. “He never <em>said </em>his dad was abusive, but the way he talks about him, and how much he flinches…it’s pretty easy to figure out.”</p><p>Illinois was uncharacteristically quiet. “I…didn’t know. He never said anything to me.”</p><p>“I’m not surprised.” She smiled at him, a little cheekily. “He talks a great deal about <em>you</em> though. Quite the crush he has.” She raised an eyebrow, and Illinois noticed her scanning his body. “Can’t say he ever lied about how <em>pretty </em>you are.” She grinned cheekily.</p><p>Illinois was surprised by the warm blush that spread across his face, and he rubbed the back of his neck a little awkwardly. “Thanks…”</p><p>She chuckled, and stopped walking, gesturing to the enclosure on their left. “Here we are!” She approached the fence, and Illinois followed. There was indeed a pile of cheetahs underneath a sparse tree in the middle of the enclosure, and Illinois could just barely make out the mop of black hair that signified Eric. Chelsea shook the fence a little. “<em>Eric! </em>Wake up!”</p><p>The cheetahs shifted, and one lifted its head, idly licking Eric’s hair. Even from his distance, Illinois could hear the purring. Eric stirred, one hand reaching up to pet the cheetah. “…<em>Go away, Chelsea</em>…”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow. “No can do, kiddo. <em>Illinois </em>is here to pick you up.”</p><p>“<em>What?!</em>” Eric bolted upright, hair sticking up everywhere due to the cheetah, his glasses askew. The cheetah licking him started, getting to its feet and moving to lie down a couple feet away as the other two began to shift as well. Illinois waved, grinning a little, and Eric both paled and blushed <em>brilliantly </em>at the same time. “U-um, I – uh – hi! Just – just give me a second – um –”</p><p>Eric’s blush deepened as he struggled to push the other two cheetahs off his legs, and Illinois couldn’t help a small laugh. Eric was cute, he’d give him that. Eric finally sprang free, scrambling to his feet and staggering back a few steps. He adjusted his glasses, hurrying over to the building attached to the enclosure, refusing to look in their direction. “I’ll be out in a second!”</p><p>Chelsea lead Illinois over to the building – he assumed it was a place to keep the animals during bad weather. Eric was just closing the door when they arrived, and he nearly ran smack into Illinois when he turned around. Illinois caught him, hands bracing against Eric’s upper arms. Eric’s face burst into flames the second Illinois touched him, mouth opening and closing a few times. Illinois smirked a little, unable to stop himself from finding a <em>little </em>amusement in Eric’s reaction to something as simple as a touch. “You aright?”</p><p>Eric didn’t move for a second. Illinois could <em>hear </em>his brain short-circuiting. But, then Eric nodded, and Illinois dropped his hands. Eric made a small sound, quickly averting his gaze to the ground. Illinois’ smirk faded into a soft smile. “Ready to go home?” Eric simply nodded again, and Illinois turned to Chelsea. He swept off his hat in an exaggerated bow, and Chelsea snorted; he didn’t miss how Eric stared with wide eyes at his hair, hands twitching like he wanted to touch. “Thank you, Chelsea. I think Eric can guide me out of here.”</p><p>“No problem.” Her eyes flicked to Eric, and her cheeky little smile returned. “It was nice meeting you, Illinois. You should come back sometime. I’m sure Eric would <em>love </em>to give you a personal tour.”</p><p>Illinois laughed, pretending to not see the distressed look Eric shot at his coworker. “Perhaps I might. Come on, Eric.”</p><p>They started back down the way to the entrance. The silence was heavy and thick with tension between them, awkward and gross. Illinois knew it was simply due to how <em>awkward </em>Eric felt around him – crushes tend to do that, he supposed – but it was beginning to get <em>very uncomfortable</em>. So Illinois opened his mouth. “What do you do here, Eric?” A bit of a standard, awkward question, but hey, if it got a conversation going, so be it. Besides, Eric was apparently more of a mystery than he appeared to be at first glance.</p><p>Eric jumped when Illinois spoke, glancing at him briefly. “Um, I-I take care of the big cats, primarily. With help, of course. B-but I help out with other animals, too, like the primates, and some of the birds, and the reptiles.” He smiled a little. “I-I-I um, I once had a panic attack while I supposed to be feeding our boa constrictor. She’s <em>massive</em>, by the way. She started coiling around me, I-I thought she was going to eat <em>me</em>, which didn’t help the attack.” He shrugged. “She didn’t. She just…wrapped me up, squeezing a little, and I realized she was just trying to help calm me down. And she did. It…felt a little like my weighted blanket at home.” He smiled at Illinois. “Animals just like me, I guess.”</p><p>Illinois was <em>more </em>than a little stunned. He didn’t know what to think. Eric was…<em>impressive</em> was the only word he could think of. He smiled back, hand brushing against Eric’s lightly. “That’s…<em>amazing</em>.” That strange, light blush reappeared, and he nudged Eric. “You’re braver than I thought.”</p><p>Eric’s steps faltered. “I’m…what?”</p><p>Illinois chuckled. “<em>Brave</em>, Eric. I don’t know many people willing to let a <em>boa constrictor </em>‘hug’ them. Or take a nap with a bunch of big cats without fear of being shredded. And…I don’t know many people who could live through what you did with your dad and not completely break.”</p><p>Eric had been <em>glowing </em>with Illinois’ praises, but the second he brought up his father, he shrunk. “…Oh.” He swallowed. “You…you heard about him.”</p><p>Illinois slowed his pace. The relatively fast clip they’d been walking at didn’t seem to fit the mood anymore. “…Yeah. But not much. Pretty much the bare essentials.”</p><p>Eric gave a dry laugh. “That’s really all you need.” He pulled a yellow handkerchief Illinois had seen him with a few times before out of his pocket, fiddling with it endless. “U-um, we were late to the manor, too. Reynolds, my dad, and I. B-but, unlike you, and Yancy, and Magnum, we…had <em>nowhere </em>to go when we left. We ended up homeless for a month. In the middle of winter. All because my dad didn’t want to live under someone else’s roof.”</p><p>Illinois flinched. “I’m…sorry.” He rubbed at his shoulder. “I’ve dealt with some cold climates before. I <em>was </em>practically homeless before I was dragged to the manor. It’s…not a pretty life.”</p><p>Eric snorted. “An understatement.”</p><p>Illinois laughed, and they lapsed into silence again. It was more comfortable than before though. Eric was…not the man Illinois thought he was. Sure, he was anxious, kind, and a little gullible, but…he’d seen more than his fair share of the horrors of the world. And yet here he was. Still <em>kind</em>. And <em>sweet</em>.</p><p>There was that blush again.</p><p>They made it back to the manor easily enough, sparse conversation floating between them. Illinois mainly thought. Mainly thought about Eric. Desperately trying to keep his blush from growing worse. He’d booked it back to his room when they got home, Illinois muttering some excuse about his maps as he went.</p><p>He didn’t notice Eric slump, face falling.</p><p>He slammed the door to his room, collapsing face-first onto his bed, sending his hat flopping away. <em>Dammit</em>, this wasn’t suppose to happen! He didn’t – Eric crush on <em>him </em>was obvious, but Illinois didn’t anticipate liking him <em>back! </em>He didn’t <em>want </em>to, all his relationships ended with death or heartbreak, he didn’t –</p><p>He didn’t want that fate for Eric.</p><p>Not after what he’s already been through.</p><p><em>Still</em>…</p><p>Illinois groaned into his pillow, before pushing himself upright, running a hand through his short-cropped hair. He took off his belts, piling his various equipment and sheaths and holsters on the bed, along with his whip. He left his hat where it was, rolling his sleeves up past his elbows. He sat at his desk, unrolling one of his maps – one of Egypt – and pulled up the email he’d gotten from an archeologist there. She wanted help finding a tomb, and Illinois scrutinized his map and the little information she knew. He had a vague idea of where, but he needed a smaller radius…</p><p>It only took an hour for him to recognize a distraction wasn’t going to work as he stared at a single point on his map, thoughts drifting.</p><p>…<em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>Illinois covered his face with his hands. Would Eric like to go to Egypt with him? Illinois had seen the pyramids and the Sphinx a thousand times, but Eric <em>hadn’t</em>. What would his face look like? What would it look like as they cracked open an undiscovered tomb in the desert, unopened for <em>thousands </em>of years?</p><p>Illinois’ forehead thunked to the desk, and he pushed his chair back. He had to do <em>something</em>. Talk to Eric, or something. He didn’t know what the something <em>was </em>yet, but whatever it turned out to be, it’d definitely be better than stewing here in his newfound pining when Eric was literally just down the hall.</p><p>Illinois was never one to hide his feelings anyway.</p><p>He left his room, running a nervous hand through his hair again as he headed for the living area. He poked his head in. Eric was sitting on the couch, between Bim and Reynolds, with Yancy on Bim’s other side. Magnum was sitting on the floor, cross-legged as much as he could manage with his massive peg legs. The five of them just talking. Eric was laughing at something Reynolds had said, petting Midnight in his lap. The little bunny kept trying to hop out of his lap and onto the floor, stretching her little neck and sniffing curiously at Magnum.</p><p>“Hey Eric?” Illinois flashed a smile as Eric lifted his head and promptly blushed. “Can I…talk to you for a second? In my room?”</p><p>“Uh…” Eric visibly swallowed. There was a shit-eating grin on Bim’s face, and he leaned closer to whisper into Eric’s ear. Eric’s blush darkened <em>significantly</em>, and he placed a hand on Bim’s face without ever turning to look at him, shoving his head away. Bim cackled madly, and Eric finally managed a smile of his own. “Uh, yeah, yeah sure, lemme just – um –”</p><p>He stood, placing Midnight in Magnum’s massive hand – she looked so incredibly <em>small </em>compared to him – and walked over to Illinois’ side. Illinois winked at him, trying to ease the sudden tension a bit, but…Eric wasn’t even looking at him. He stared at the floor, wringing his hands. Hunching over, trying to make himself seem…small.</p><p>Illinois closed the door to his room behind them, and Eric began rambling.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I-I shouldn’t’ve said anything, you probably want nothing to do with me now right? My dad – I know I’m weak, I know I’m stupid, I-I didn’t want to tell you about him for a reason, and b-b-but you know anyway, and you hate me, I just –”</p><p>“Whoa, honey, slow down!” The affectionate name slipped out without Illinois really thinking about it, hands coming up to grip Eric’s arms as he bent his knees to be more eye-level with him. “Hey, it’s okay! Calm down!” He tilted his head incredibly confused. “Why would you ever think I hated you?”</p><p>Eric let out a sob, a few tears sliding down his face. “Wh-wh-when we got home, y-you ran aw-w-way as fast as possible, and I – I thought –”</p><p>Illinois swore internally, and he gently wiped away Eric’s tears with a thumb. “No, I don’t hate you, I didn’t run because of you. Well – <em>yes</em>, because of you, but not for the reason you think.”</p><p>Now it was Eric’s turn to look confused, rapidly calming back down from his rather sudden emotional outburst. “Then – then wh – why…?”</p><p>Illinois smiled, and kissed him.</p><p>Eric went very <em>stiff</em>, eyes shooting wide. The kiss didn’t last long, and Illinois pulled back after a short moment. And promptly tried to stifle a giggle at Eric’s expression: jaw slack, eyes still <em>huge</em> and staring at Illinois’ lips. Illinois couldn’t help the laughter in his voice as he waved a hand in front of Eric’s face. “Eric. My eyes are up here, honey.”</p><p>Eric slammed his jaw shut, face growing <em>very </em>red <em>very </em>rapidly, and he jerked his head up to face Illinois as he stood straight. “Uhhh…”</p><p>Illinois snickered, the hand still on Eric’s arm shifting to rest on his shoulder. His tone was gentle though. “You’re not stupid, or weak, or any of that. I told you I thought you were brave, Eric. And I meant it.”</p><p>Eric’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and he swallowed harshly. His eyes flitted back to Illinois’ lips. “Um – I – can you – we –”</p><p><em>God </em>if Illinois thought Eric was blushing before, he’s just burst into flames before Illinois’ eyes. He shrunk again, and Illinois chuckled, taking pity on him and kissing him again. This time, Eric melted, and Illinois slinked and arm around his waist, holding him closer as he cupped Eric’s cheek with his other hand. Eric seemed…almost <em>afraid </em>to touch him, but he eventually laid a hand on Illinois’ shoulder, his other hand reaching up to settle in his hair.</p><p>Illinois hummed softly, and he pulled back, caressing Eric’s cheek gently with his thumb. Eric’s blush had faded a bit, and now he just looked…in <em>awe</em>. Illinois smiled. “You’re very <em>cute</em>, you know that?”</p><p>Eric’s face heated up under his hand. “Um – thanks.” He shrunk again. “Can – c-can we – um – <em>not</em> – t-tell anyone about this – er, us, or – yet? I don’t –” He swallowed. “My dad, he – well, he didn’t – exactly <em>like</em>, um, LGBT people? And I never told him that <em>I </em>like both? I guess? A-a-and I <em>know </em>the others aren’t my dad, nowhere close, but – still. Please?”</p><p>Illinois patiently listened to Eric’s panicked ramblings, and he nodded. “Of course, Eric. Whenever you’re ready.” He grinned. “Though, I am curious as to what Bim said. Care to share?”</p><p>Eric flushed. “Um – no. You-you really <em>don’t </em>want to know…”</p><p>Illinois laughed, and he pressed another kiss to Eric’s forehead. He hesitated before speaking again. “…I’m heading off to Egypt soon. I’ve been there a million times before, but…do you want to come with me?”</p><p>Eric’s eyes went wide. “You…want <em>me</em>…?” A grin slowly spread across his face. “Yes! Yes, I-I would love to go! I’ve – never left the country before.”</p><p>Illinois snorted. “Well, prepare for a <em>lot </em>of sand in places you previously didn’t know existed on your body. It’s an <em>experience</em>, that’s for damn sure.” He hummed softly, studying Eric’s face. He wasn’t even aware of his own soft smile. “You should go back out there. Keep Bim’s imagination from running <em>too </em>wild.” He chuckled as Eric covered his face with his hands. “Go on.” He winked. “I’ll be right here.”</p><p>Eric nodded idly. “Right. Um.” He slid away from Illinois, a little awkwardly, and headed for the door. He paused, turning back to Illinois, and he smiled. “Um – bye. I…yeah.”</p><p>He blushed again, and quickly left the room. Illinois just chuckled to himself, and sat back at his desk to work on his maps.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CUTE BABIES CUTE BABIES CUTE BABIES<br/>Sunday's story is fun<br/>:)<br/>For me, that is<br/>:)</p><p>Tumblr: doctordiscord123.tumblr.com</p></blockquote></div></div>
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